Single White Female Seeks…

31 Aug

Girlfriends. That’s right I said girlfriends. I am searching for a few good female friends… though I’d settle for just one. I have actually been considering taking out an ad and conducting interviews. I’m not searching for the virtual kind of friends with whom I can “chat” electronically across the miles about all sorts of random topics. Those are wonderful, please don’t get me wrong.

I realize that many of you reading this right now are those sorts of “friends” to me. But today I am specifically referring to the real-life-flesh-and-blood-in-your-physical-company kind of friends.

… Monica, Rachel, Phoebe, Chandler, Ross and Joey … Jerry, George, Kramer and Elaine … Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha … And to be fair to the bros out there … Vince, “E”, Ari, Drama and Turtle …

There’s a simple reason why these famous “friends” from popular culture have worked their way into our living rooms and ultimately our hearts over the years. We all want what they appear to have. They have a bond and a closeness that cannot be denied. Someone is always there to bail you out, cheer you up, calm you down or stay in with you and share a bottle of wine.

Some people are fortunate enough to have friends like that in real life. But sadly, for me, I am not one of those people. Make no mistake. I have some amazing friends with whom I have stayed in touch over the years, but we no longer live in the same state, let alone the same city. And the ones who do live in close proximity… well, it seems we’re all too busy with our own little lives to make the time to nurture a friendship. And I am equally as guilty as anyone else when it comes to this.

But now, at 36, I am wishing for that close friend or friends with whom I can share anything. ANYTHING. The kind of friend…

  • who would tell me what a jerk he is (even if he isn’t) because it is what I need to hear in that moment.
  • I have a standing date with on Monday nights to watch The Big C, Nurse Jackie or The United States of Tara.
  • who would tell me the harsh truth no matter how hard it is to hear.
  • who would NOT post compromising, reputation-altering or career-threatening photos or videos of me on Facebook or YouTube (no matter how great their viral potential may actually be).
  • who lived nearby and would show up at 3 a.m. if I think my cat is dying (or just hacking up a giant hairball).
  • who would help me hide a body if necessary (just sayin’).

Any interested party, living within a 15-mile radius and fitting this description please feel free to submit an application to yours truly.

Willingness to share shoes, accessories and clothing a plus. Co-dependant, jealousy-prone, psychopathic, passive-aggressive narcissists need not apply.

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12 Responses to “Single White Female Seeks…”

  1. Maxim August 31, 2011 at 7:40 AM #

    I can be a girl if you’d like!

  2. paigefussell August 31, 2011 at 10:14 AM #

    I wish I lived close by … not just for your benefit but also for mine because I know exactly what you mean and want the same thing. The older you get, the harder it is to make that type of friend. If you have, you’re very fortunate. I wish I had one of those “help you bury the body” friends too! Another would be a “help you move in the middle of August” friend.

    • Woman In Thrisis September 2, 2011 at 11:36 AM #

      I wish you lived closer by too! But I’ve always wanted to see the New Orleans, so maybe I’ll let you know I’m coming one day!

  3. Linda August 31, 2011 at 10:48 AM #

    Interviewing friends, interesting ideas. Don’t you ever see someone while you are out somewhere who you think looks as if they would be a good friend and you just want to ask them if they would be your friend. Kids can do that but we adults can’t. The person would surely run the other way.

  4. Deb Shields August 31, 2011 at 11:14 AM #

    I think you just described me! I know…moms don’t count.

  5. myonepreciouslife August 31, 2011 at 10:20 PM #

    I’d love to apply, but I just looked up Ohio on a map and you’re really far away. (I had it mixed up with Idaho, which isn’t quite as far.) Sorry.

    You’re right though. It’s really hard to make new friends once you aren’t in school anymore.

  6. -AP- September 2, 2011 at 1:46 PM #

    I know how you feel! I miss having that close friend you can call up (with no notice) and say want to come over or go shopping? I had a childhood friend like this, but life changed when she went to college (and I got sick), and she decided to move on without me. I’ve tried to reach out to new people in my life for this type of relationship again, but they are so busy they can never seem to do more than a lunch out once a year. Here’s to making better connections in the future!

    • Woman In Thrisis September 2, 2011 at 10:19 PM #

      Thanks for sharing that. It is hard. Almost seems like traditional friendship is becoming obsolete anymore because of all our technology… as I type this on my keyboard from inside my house :P

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