It’s that time of year again! But I’m not talking about Christmas. For most people, this time of year is all about Christmas. But for a dedicated (and perhaps obsessed) few, is also a time for celebrating the lesser-known holiday that is Festivus.
I, along with most of you, became aware of Festivus from Seinfeld, but it did actually exist before George’s father Frank Costanza (Jerry Stiller) made it famous in 1997. It was originally created by writer Dan O’Keefe back in 1966, who was the father of one of the writers for the show. So in this case, art really did imitate life.
I find 2011 a particularly good year to make note of Festivus because of the holiday’s emphasis on anti-commercialism. At a time when many people are having to “downscale” Christmas due to financial strain, perhaps it is even more important than ever to find “alternative” ways of celebrating.
One of the aspects of the Festivus tradition (besides setting up the aluminum pole and carrying out the Feats Of Strength) is my personal fave: The Airing of Grievances. Therefore, I have taken the time to compile a list of some of my own grievances. Truthfully, they are more like annoyances, but nevertheless, it was entertaining as well as cathartic to create this list. And I encourage all of you to do the same!
Here they are, in no particular order… My own personal Festivus Airing of Grievances:
- “I-see-London-I-see-France” extremely low-rise jeans
- The “Muffin Top” created by aforementioned “I-see-London-I-see-France” extremely low-rise jeans
- Twilight hysteria
- People on the road between 7 and 9 a.m. who aren’t going to work
- Bad grammar
- Low water pressure
- Celebrity “Baby Bumps”
- Anyone who calls a baby bump a “bump”
- People taking up the entire aisle at the grocery store and NOT budging even though they KNOW you are there and that you cannot pass
- Passive Aggressiveness
- Men who think women are second-class citizens
- Finding a garment that I absolutely love, only to discover that they are out of my size or color choice
- The one hundred million “talent shows” that are currently on TV. I mean seriously… enough with the singing and dancing already
- Dropped calls
- DVDs that skip or get stuck right at critical moments in the plot
- Claymation, stop-animation, nutcrackers, marionettes, ventriloquist dummies, puppets and clowns
- People who do not respect the importance (and necessity) of a good 12-hour sleep stretch
- Jell-o with fruit in it
- Internet pop-ups telling me I’ve won something when all they really want to do is give me a virus
- People continuing to call me Joann, after I’ve corrected them or they already know my name is Joanna
- Computer crashes
- Sarah Palin talking
- Michele Bachmann (with ONE “L” in Michele and TWO “N’s” in Bachmann)
- Donald Trump and his little hair pet
- Newt Gingrich mentioning his wife Callista by name 3,000 times in one sentence
- ALL of the Republican Party / Tea Party candidates AND the ones who refuse to admit they are going to run but hang around constantly (i.e. Sarah Palin and The Donald)
- The Duggar Family (sorry, I know they just experienced a very real and legitimate loss but why must we know every single detail of these people’s reproductive lives?) Why isn’t 19 enough? After all, eight was enough to entertain us in the 80s (If you don’t get the aforementioned 80s pop-culture reference… add yourself to this list)
- Drivers who don’t signal
- Products that don’t do what they say they’ll do
- Drivers who are slow
- The fact that ALL of the best TV programs are on at the same time on Thursdays
- Pre-existing conditions
- Magazines that are full of both airbrushed, anorexic models AND articles about why you should love yourself just the way you are
- Hidden fees
- People who don’t believe in birth control, but then bitch when… SURPRISE!!… They have another kid
- Radio stations that claim to play a lot of music and nothing BUT music, but in actuality have a 5 to 1, commercial to song ratio
- People who don’t understand or appreciate the cultural beauty and timelessness that is Seinfeld
Happy Festivus everybody! May you discover the joy and fulfillment of airing your own grievances this holiday season and all year long.
5 thoughts on “A Festivus for the Rest of Us”
Oh, my word. #36 That’s the big one.
Great job airing your grievences! We have so many in common. Your grandfather would be proud of the one.. it is called a BLINKER and it has a purpose! May I add no. 41…”know-it-alls”…You are really a pain in the neck. The REST of us really do know things.
Loving the post this morning – I needed a chuckle. I had a #33 in front of me this morning – ha! Can relate to #4 too. #10 and #13 can drive me nuts some days. I hate when #14 heppens, especially if it is a really cute outfit I am dying to have:) My grandmother was famous for #21 – lime jell-o with canned mixed fruit and orange jell-o with carrots and raisins – YUCK-O!
I am totally with you on No. 40. My best friend has never seen a full episode of Seinfeld and has said that it “doesn’t seem like her kind of comedy.” This has been very trying for our relationship, but I’m working hard to get past it and see all the GOOD things about her… 🙂
If you or I WERE Elaine-type people, we would have dumped our non-Seinfeld-appreciating friends long ago. 😛 But at least you’re trying 😉