5 Reasons NOT to Watch the “Criminal Minds” Marathon While Completely Alone

Recently, while home alone for the night, I had the brilliant idea of watching a four-hour Criminal Minds marathon. Now, I know what you are thinking… the mind reels that one may actually be capable of sitting on one’s own @$$ for that long a period, however, I can assure you that I DID get up from time to time.

I managed to climb out of the comfort of my recliner for several reasons. I got up for pizza, to use the bathroom, to lock ALL of the doors, to feed the cat, to close ALL of the blinds and windows, to get a diet pop, to check EVERY square inch of the basement and ummmm… to get more pizza.

I should mention here that I am quite familiar with this program about the FBI’s BAU a.k.a. the Behavioral Analysis Unit. (By the way, don’t you just adore using acronyms? I do. It makes me feel so much more intelligent and worldly) Anyhoo… I absolutely LOVE the show (about as much as I like using acronyms). And it doesn’t usually matter whether or not I am alone when I watch it because I know it is purely fiction.

Well, fiction that is based on fact that is. Yes it is fact-based fiction about the psychological profiling of real-live nut-bags who like to stalk, maim, torture or kill otherwise normal citizens like you and me. Which is why, perhaps, that it may NOT have been in my best interest to watch four whole episodes whilst being alone in a big, empty house that is still relatively new to me.

Here are just a FEW of the reasons why watching four hours of this particular program (all by oneself) is probably not the brightest of ideas:

  1. You’re convinced that a stranger has indeed been stalking you for 6 months (even if you’ve only lived at your current address for 4).
  2. You’re certain that the friendly neighbors who love to chat you up everytime you pull into the driveway or push your garbage can to the curb are indeed serial killers who are hiding a secret torture chamber beneath the unassuming, non-descript-yet-mysterious-anyway grey tarp in their back yard.
  3. When the Fedex man arrives on your doorstep the following morning carrying an unexpected package — you refuse to answer the door no matter how interesting or impressive said parcel may look.
  4. You believe it IS entirely possible that while you were away one weekend some creeper or creepers managed to break into your home and hide tiny cameras in every room… leaving absolutely ZERO trace of their ever having been there. And they are watching you at this very moment. And laughing.
  5. You are 100% sure that the single dude on the corner with the perfectly-manicured lawn and glass animal collection in his front window is a sociopath currently working on an entirely different type of “collection” in the garage that he never seems to use.

14 thoughts on “5 Reasons NOT to Watch the “Criminal Minds” Marathon While Completely Alone

  1. JT says:

    Of course there is always that possibility that someone you know who always seems just a tad bit too tightly wound would watch one too many episodes of criminal minds and it just might push them over the edge… 🙂

    • Gee, thanks for THAT one! I never thought of it before. Perhaps I should have advertised (in the post) that I have weapons and am not afraid to use them or that I used to do kickboxing… Hmmm? haha 😉 Then again… I don’t think it would deter some phychotic nut-bag at all. Isn’t

  2. .You have reminded me of another reason to be glad I am 64. I can’t hear all those strange noises because I can’t hear. I just relax with the volume cranked up and enjoy the shows!

  3. LOL – you keep your hammer close by, right! I slept with the lights on for a few nights after watching the movie Signs because I had a feeling when I woke up in the morning an alien would be standing in my living room. Amazing how one’s brain can kick into overimagination mode pretty quickly – ha! Have a Great Day:)

  4. kalisisrising says:

    I had to completely stop watching this show when I started living alone full time. I almost can’t even SEE the darn previews without getting those creepy crawly goosebumps that make me want to throw up. I love the psychology behind it and I have a bit of a crush on Mandy Patankin, but absolutely no way can I watch this show. You’re braver than I, for sure!

  5. Donald Miller says:

    Humorous post. And it does remind me to lock my doors at night. By the way, if you really aren’t armed, you can have a fire extinguisher handy and blast ’em with that. Disorients them a bit and gives you time to find that baseball bat of to run and hide somewhere.

    • Hmmm… I never thought of a fire distinguisher. Now I take comfort in Lee being in the house with me and he is a big guy at 6’2″… but when I’m alone on occasion I’ll have to remember to have a weapon handy 🙂

  6. All of the reasons why I never ever watch anything remotely scary! I can come up with enough scary ideas on my very own.

    When I was growing up (in a rather decent,normal neighborhood) there was a crazy man living down the street from us! I don’t know what age I found out about him being crazy but I was always scared to death of him. I watched that house like a hawk if I was outside. One time I was staying with neighbors while my parents were out of town. I looked out of the window and saw several police at my house! I someone said they saw they that man trying to break into our house! Now this is a neighborhood where no one locked their doors during the day. Looking back I find this hard to believe. To make it worse when I was older I was reading the newspaper one day and read that his brother had sat down in an ally downtown and chopped his own arm off! Two crazy men living there! As long as it’s his own limbs I don’t care. It seems that none of us every really were as scared then as I would be now. I just always felt really sorry for their really old mother.

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