Secret Single Behavior

While not everyone is a Sex in the City fan, I would venture to guess that everyone has some secret practices or behaviors that they would just assume keep that way. I have been a fan of the show for years and have seen every episode at least 3 times. But one of my favorites is the one where Carrie is adjusting to a new life living with Aidan, her boyfriend who has just moved in…

“Carrie lamented to the girls about the loss of her “secret single behavior,” which for her includes eating a stack of saltines with grape jelly while standing up in the kitchen reading fashion magazines. Miranda admitted, “I like to put Vaseline on my hands and stick them in those Borghese conditioning gloves while watching infomercials.”

I have lived alone for 6 years now and am currently in a long-distance relationship. Therefore, much of my weekly interaction with “the man” is via phone or Skype. The other night while on the phone with him we began talking about the things we do all by ourselves when no one is around. In other words … our secret, single behavior (SSB).

I realize that by sharing this with all of you, it will no longer remain “secret,” but that’s OK. I’ll still keep the really odd or creepy ones to myself. I feel like sharing mainly because I am fascinated by human behavior and this inquiring mind wants to know what your SSB is. You know… the old I’ll-show-you-mine-if-you-show-me-yours kind of thing.

Here are a few of mine:

When no one is around, I like to…

  • mindlessly watch reruns of Seinfeld and Friends (that I have seen a thousand times already) while reciting the dialogue in tandem with the actors. Verbatim.
  • bake fresh cinnamon rolls and drink mugs of warm coffee while watching indy films and staying in my pajamas for as long as possible on Saturdays. Even if it is mid-June and 75 degrees and sunny.
  • eat microwave caramel corn for dinner.
  • literally lie on the floor playing cat and mouse with Stan, my cat. Obviously, I am the mouse.
  • curl up with a heating pad when I don’t have cramps. Even if it is mid-June and 75 degrees and sunny.
  • read 3-months worth of horoscopes from my Glamour magazines while studying the calendar.
Now that I’ve shown you mine, will you please show me yours? Add to this list in the Comments section and either make me feel like I’m more normal than I suspect or share with all of us just how weird you are.
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16 thoughts on “Secret Single Behavior

  1. love this. Before moving in with my boyfriend I used to buy the miniature personal cakes (though I think they feed 4 people) from Wegmans, sit in my bed and eat as much as I could while watching Greys Anatomy on my laptop.

  2. Hmmmm…….
    Well, I like to sit in bed in my pj’s and watch tv, I move decorations or furniture around in my house to make it look different (I get bored with it being the same for very long), I go through catalogs circling and writing comments on things I like or don’t like, I put on CD’s of music that I like and organize and clean things that are bothering me because I have 3 tornadoes (guys) in the house with me every day or I go on-line and study anything having to do with Astrology or psychics because it interests me right now.
    By the way, Joanna, I personally don’t think you are weird. Just interesting but to me, that is good!:)

  3. JT says:

    Hmm it has been so long since I was single I am trying to remember my quirky behavior and thankfully you didn’t ask for my secret when your alone while being a couple behavior 😀 I started dating my wife when I was 20 so I literally was a teen last time I was single and the weirdest thing I can remember is falling asleep while listening to music “Loud” which for me was great but for my neighbors…not so much 😀

  4. I have only had private hours but not days since I realize I have never lived alone. Wow. 63 years old and I have always lived with someone…family and then dorm life and then marriage and then children… So in my private moments my behavior almost always revolves around food. My husband refers to me as the “mouse” who eats around the edges of 13×9 cakes while standing at the kitchen counter, alone. Then there is the ice cream that loses a lot around the carton edges also.. But I think the worst private “food” behavior is to eat off the icing of a dozen homemade cupcakes and make more icing to hide the fact. Now you know Joanna. Maybe those yummy chocolate cupcakes don’t look so yummy now.

  5. You are so very normal. Nothing quirky there. I really don’t understand why Carrie felt as if she couldn’t eat the saltines over the sink while Aiden was there. I do whatever the heck I feel like doing with hubby home or not. He knows that I will take the fried goo off of the pork chops if I make them for him and eat cake right out of the container with my fork. I let it all hang out.

  6. Thanks for sharing your “quirks” everybody… even if you think they aren’t “quirky.” I think they are because they are unique. Interesting that most of these center around food! OK, JT… yours was loud music and Nannette you LIKE to clean (which I cannot comprehend but whatever… I love you for YOU).

    And mother, I HAD NO IDEA you ever made a SECOND BATCH of icing to cover up for eating ALL of it!!! WOW! After 36 years, the secrets are still coming out!

  7. Heather says:

    I have a variety of face masks I apply liberally while home alone. Some clarify, some tone, some moisturize. They come in a variety of colors and textures, but all are 100% unattractive. I feel like a washed-up Hollywood has-been when I’m in my pj pants and a green face mask; there has been more than one occasion when someone has come to the door while I’m in that state and I’ve lurked behind the door until they went away, hoping they hadn’t secretly seen me.

    • Hahaha! I have done that too! Not with a mask, but with other “compromising” situations that I did not want the mailman or Jehovah’s Witness to find me in, so I hid until they left their wares and were off my porch!

  8. can’t remember the last time i lived alone…but when i do get to be home alone i like to play my music really loud, walk around naked and leave cups and plates all over the place. hate having to scramble to get dressed and pick things up when that period of freedom comes to an end.

  9. Watching endless episodes of Law and Order SVU and Criminal Intent. Vincent D’onofrio and Christopher Meloni seemed to have all the attributes of a hot guy: wits, humor, dignity and just pure sex appeal. So there I was, sitting on my comfy sectional, consuming a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey, engrossed in my fantasy of crime, business suits, and detective Stabler with a gun somewhere under that suit 🙂 Yep, those were my single guilty pleasure moments.

  10. One of my guilty little pleasures used to be watching Criminal Minds … not so much anymore because I think I’ve seen EVERY freakin’ episode! Now, I don’t even bother. I read the description and I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, I’ve seen that one … twice.” If I do watch them for a third or fourth time, it’s strictly to look at Shemar Moore with his sexy bald head and hot body! Another thing is that I have “meow” conversations with my cat, Pyewacket. We meow back and forth and they go on longer than they probably should. I have no clue what I’m saying, but she always responds favorably, so I’m guessing I’m not offending her. I pre-ordered the last Harry Potter book, so when it came in that week, I cleared my calendar for the weekend (not like that took more than a second). On Friday, I stopped by the store, picked up provisions like Cheetos, Lunchables (you could eat with one hand while holding the book with the other … they were gross), ice cream, Nutella, strawberries, Twizzlers, and Barq’s Red Creme Soda and stayed in my PJs ALL weekend and finished the book. I think it was close to 800 pages. Oh, and I cried at the end … don’t know if I would’ve been so girly about it if I had a significant other around.

    • Good for you! You have inspired me to take a full weekend off the next time I feel like it! I love that you cleared your entire calendar… even if it didn’t take long. And I REALLY love that you stocked up on the proper staples to see you through your magical weekend adventure.

      I too loved Criminal Minds but I have seen every one. I like Shemar Moore too, but for some reason I am attracted to Dr. Reid the most. Intelligence is SOOO sexy!

      Too bad we didn’t live in the same city I think we could bond over Cheetos, Twizzlers and laziness 🙂

  11. I will share a few of my SSBs with you all. I love celebrity reality shows (Bill & Guillana) or shows like the Real Housewives (love the cat fights) – DO NOT watch these when the hubbie is around. Love eating a bowl of popcorn for dinner. I love a good Egg McMuffin or Small Fry from Mickey D’s – everything in moderation. Have a Chic Flick marathon or a Horror marathon (my spouse seriously dislikes horror movies). I was lucky in a way (can be lonely at times) living on my own for about about 5 years – eat oreos for dinner, scarf down a pizza pie, be messy – great times!!!

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