Snooze Addiction

Sleep is like crack to me. I love it, I can’t live without it and I’ll do whatever it takes to get it. However, I do have a job and for this reason and this reason only I cannot sleep as often as I would like.

I manage to tear myself from between the sheets long enough to make it through the day. Coffee helps. Much of the time the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning is the prospect of a good healthy slumber later that night.

Having no offspring allows me to indulge in this unhealthy behavior. No one relies on me, save for my co-workers and occasionally my family. The cat requires that I slop a little brown goo into his bowl that he believes tastes like salmon and fill his water dish a few times a day… Toss a felt mouse in the air, rub some catnip into the carpet and let him chase my toes now and then… and he is a happy camper. All the rest of the time he is… sleeping. Usually right next to me.

I come from a long line of “sleepers.” I am told that my grandparents were big on naps and so are my parents. Though my parents somehow manage to nap AND sleep until 11 a.m. most days so… I definitely came by this honestly.

Trying to explain to those closest to me how much sleep I require can occasionally prove quite challenging. I have always needed a lot of sleep and I really, honestly cannot function without it. I’m not just saying that. Have you SEEN the Incredible Hulk? Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? NOW you’re gettin’ the idea.

As is common with most addicts, one addiction can give way to another. And I am afraid that within the last year, I have developed a new addiction. To the snooze button. No matter how much sleep I get… if the alarm is set,  I hit the snooze button like it’s my JOB.

Initially, my use of the snooze was occasional and harmless. You know, a type of recreational snoozing if you will. 7 to 14 minutes, 21 minutes TOPS…  However, something seems to have changed and I am ashamed to admit that I am spiraling steadily downward into an abyss of flashing and glowing green digits and bad early-morning radio shows.

As shocking as it may seem… I now snooze for 60 minutes! I know… the mind reels that one could SNOOZE for such a very long time. And to think… entire, irretrievable hours of my life are now being spent in some dark, sleep-Katy-Perry-Onerepublic-crime-spree-account-Bruno-Mars-Adele-weather-and-traffic-report-awful-DJ-rants-and-jokes-Nicki-Minaj-splintered haze. I would be better off sleeping soundly for 30 of those minutes and just hauling my ass out of bed after the 2nd warning.

Perhaps, starting Monday I will try that and see what happens. If I break this cycle of addiction it could mean a whole new life! And if all else fails… There’s this…