Spanx: A True Holiday Miracle

I don’t know how they do it and I don’t care. It doesn’t matter how they manufacture something capable of shaving 5 to 10 pounds off of my “lumpy places” — just so long as they keep on doing it. Forever.

Packing a little extra luggage in the trunk is usually inevitable this time of year what with all the gathering, merry-making and drinking to drown out the sound of your annoying relatives as they get all up in yo’ biz.

But the question then comes—as you try to stuff that trunk full ‘o goodies into your favorite sweater dress or skinny black skirt—what the hell do you do with all of this stuff that’s accumulated about your butt, thighs and tummy?

Enter my holiday BFF: Spanx. Trust me, if you aren’t already a believer… drag your own larger-than-normal trunk to the store and pick up a pair. Or two. Or three. I promise they’re on sale right now.



It’s a bit of a trick and little bit of torture trying to get them on and off… but the results are so very worth it. Just imagine slamming all the cookies, chocolate, cheese, brandy, rum and yummy treats made with real butter and heavy cream that your heart desires and still looking stellar for the office Christmas party or New Year’s Eve bash.

As soon as they’re over you can go home and—after about 90 minutes of cursing as you wrestle your way out of your own private sausage casing—slip into the warm, forgiving embrace of your sweats… and no one will be the wiser.


10 thoughts on “Spanx: A True Holiday Miracle

  1. I tried one of those things on when I was wedding dress shopping. They might look good, but they’re kind of evil to wear from a comfort point of view. And – sorry to bring the tone down here – if you have to pee, I think you’re more or less out of luck.

  2. LMAO – hillarious! It is amazing the torture we put ourselves through to look da bomb and sexy for the Holidays. Spanx is better than holding your stomach in all night and you really cannot suck in your thighs and butt – ha! Have an AWESOME Holiday:)

  3. Do these things come in a full body suit???? That would be what I would need. I have heard that when a garment sucks you in in one place, the fat will “ooze” out somewhere else, hence a full body suit. But then, I would probably end up with huge feet, hands and a very large head.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s