Scratches on the Hardwood … And a Good Ol’ Dose of Reality

Who would have thought something as simple as scratched hardwood floors would trigger a full-scale meltdown? And yet… it did.

I have shared in past entries that I have occasional panic attacks and am somewhat of a high-strung, high-anxiety being. I am a bit of a delicate, contradictory creature in that I often fully embrace life, grabbing onto adventure firmly with both hands… And yet, I am also plagued by excessive worry and bouts with anxiety.

For weeks leading up to my move, Lee had been telling me that I seemed so “calm” for someone who had recently quit her job (without having secured a new one) and was moving all of her worldy possessions into a new home. And you know what? I kind of agreed with his level of perplexedness on this one because “calm” is NOT a word that anyone would really ever use to describe me. But I was calm. I had been calm. Perfectly sane and calm.

Until Sunday night. That night, as I packed a duffel bag with a few items and enough clothes for one night, I began to have a good, old-fashioned anxiety attack. My heart was pounding, I was sick to my stomach and my mind was racing. And the odd thing was that I had no real reason for such an attack. I’d had a relaxing but productive week and was now going back to my old house to get the last remnants of my things, see my parents and return. Simple.

Monday morning as I woke… it was still there. And it has followed me throughout the last 48 hours. My mom, sensing my unessessary anxiety and worry tried to keep me grounded and focused, telling me that I didn’t have to rush back or finish by any strict amount of time so I ought to just slow down, stay one more day to get everything finished and chill out a little bit. It wasn’t as though I had a job to return to… just my fiance, yoga mat and more boxes to unpack. And all of those things would STILL be there the next day. 

It wasn’t until the landlord came in and pointed out some deep scratches on the hardwood floor made by my computer chair. See, another thing about me is that it takes VERY LITTLE… to make me feel guilty. MINUTIA. I can be made to feel like shit with so much as a minsinterpreted sideways glance.

And that was the last straw. Operation Meltdown had begun.

I called Lee who was only a little bit put out by the fact that this was ruining our dinner with President Obama. He was also a tad bit concerned about the sick children all over the world who probably wouldn’t make it through the night due to my decision to stay on another day to settle my affairs. And he was slightly disappointed that by my being gone another night he would be forced to watch Sports Center rather than Seinfeld all evening long. 

But then—as unexpectedly as the anxiety had arrived—it disappeared with my laughter at the absurdities of his “statements of concern.” All I needed, as it turns out, was a nice dose of REALITY to adjust my warped-and-freaked-out-for-no-good-reason perspective. And with a lot of help from some friends and parents, the house was cleaned and emptied… and I turned over the keys… anxiety-free.


11 thoughts on “Scratches on the Hardwood … And a Good Ol’ Dose of Reality

  1. Hey we all have been there at least once and probably more than once. You are going through a major transition in your life and sometimes it just sneaks up on you and slams you into meltdown mode. Then like you stated REALITY smacks you out of it. Sometimes we just need that someone to scrap us off the floor, ceiling, padded wall, etc. – ha! Hang in There and Have a Great Day:)

    • Thank you to BOTH of you Renee and Mom… my 2 faithful commentors. What would I do without you? My comment box would be empty that’s what! 🙂 Thanks again for the encouragement and Renee I laughed at the padded wall. I swear I feel like it somedays. I hope you both have great days / evenings too!

  2. Hey hey hey don’t leave me out of the mix, I’m a pretty faithful commentor. I know how you feel, I am Queen of worry, anxiety, panic and anything else. I am now going into full scale prepare for anything, the end of the world, a winter blizzard to beat all blizzareds, a government meltdown, the close by me nuclear plant meltdown, anything and everything that could go wrong. My neighbor has made start a bug out bag. The darn thing will be too heavy for me carry either to the car of on my back if I had to walk. Ha I wouldn’t make it more than two blocks.But I do like to be prepared. Maybe it’s a way to calm my fear of…

    • Of course Linda! You ARE one of my most faithful commentors. I’m sorry to have left you out. It wasn’t intentional believe me. I appreciate you guys so much because I am so bad about leaving comments on others’ blogs that I count myself lucky none of you have abandoned me yet! 😉

      See there’s that worrier. I know what you mean. I don’t worry about the big things like you mentioned, but I DO worry about all of the small stuff and I let it eat me alive. I’ve probably alreayd shaved a few years off my life from worry. Maybe we should make a concerted effort to STOP!?! Whaddya say?

  3. Lisa says:

    Oh geez…. you scratched MY new floor?????? LOL
    Glad to hear you are relaxed now. I could tell you were stressed when I saw you.
    I will all be GREAT! 🙂

    • Yes, it is scratched but they are going to fix it and my security deposit will cover it. 😛 UGH. I had a wood chair on a wood floor directly and having never HAD wood floors, I didn’t realize the damage that was being done until it was too late. Needless to say, he wasn’t very happy about it. I know the place will look perfect when you move in. I can’t wait to see what you do with the space! 😀

  4. Shawdiane says:

    An expensive wooden floor ? What does this landlord expect, it is a floor & a floor in a home for godsake. Floors are for puttung heavey things onto & for walking on! Why didn’t he put carpets down instead. I don’t expect to come home & start getting all anxide about marking the floor…. I think you are well out of there girl !!

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