Comfort Zone

I didn’t need to call the cast of CSI to properly deduce what had transpired while my back was turned… A tipped-over plastic cup, a cell phone on the floor and a sheepish-looking cat hiding out beneath the table told me all I needed to know.

My 2012 vehicle registration form, passport renewal packet, voter registration application and my sister’s 40th birthday card (signed, sealed, addressed and stamped) laid purposefully on the dining room table. These items that were too important to forget or misplace and required attention in the near future were now soaking wet. Of course, the bill from the cable company (that I’d already paid) also sat there… dry as a bone.

The table was empty save for these items and we have no children running around so naturally I considered it safe to sit my cup of water and cell phone right next to them while I went to make the bed and check email. More wrong I could not have been. You see, Stanley has an affinity for knocking things off of the places where they sit. He especially like desks and tables. Pens, reading glasses, cell phones, pieces of paper, paper clips, keys and now apparently cups with liquid in them are not safe when placed on a table or desk. 

Here he is on my mom and dad's kitchen table... being entertained by a pencil.

Don’t ask me why these items are far more interesting to him than the dozens of cat toys I intentionally leave strewn about. If it has value, he wants to knock it over. Now, for some reason, end tables, shelves and coffee tables don’t interest him. Which is why it is safe to place breakable items on them. Thank God some places are still sacred.

But I can’t really blame him. It is my fault. I let my guard down and didn’t realize how comfortable he has become in his new home. He doesn’t go on his little sneak-attack, rampages of destruction when he’s in a new or unfamiliar place. He slinks around, literally lying low, slipping in and out of the shadows until he gets the lay of the land. It is then and only then—when he is truly comfortable—that the mischief really begins.

Well, welcome home Stanley. I’m glad that you feel happy and content in your new digs. I only hope the DMV doesn’t mind when I show up with a wrinkled registration form next week. And that they believe me while reluctantly taking the compromised form from my hand as I tell them in the cheeriest, most confident voice I can muster: “The cat did it. And I swear Mr. Motor Vehicle Man… it was only water.”

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17 thoughts on “Comfort Zone

  1. ROFL- in fact ROFPMSL…! 🙂

    As you may have seen from my About – Moggies page, I have one that looks pretty much like Stanley…he has a passion for green tags (those wire ‘twine’ that you cut into whatever length you want to tie plants up with) and thinking he’s a Ninja version of Tigger – I swear he can get from one end of the bottom of our house and the diametrically opposite end upstairs in around 6 bounds – no exaggeration…leaving a wake of destruction should anything dare be in his way…

    Copper on the other hand is an absolute terror if we leave anything on the dining room table – where I’m currently sat typing this, while she decides that anything on here is fair game. One of her nicknames is ‘Destructo-Tail’… She usually waits to swipe things off (with great gusto I might add) once we’re in another part of the house, sending items crashing onto the laminate floor…I have learnt to remember NOT to leave anything like cups, glasses etc on there, full or not, nor my glasses, or fountain pens (they end up FULL of ink in the lids…), or the remote for the stereo (which I’m astounded hasn’t ended up totally shattered into smithereens the amount of times its been launched..!). It’s totally a game to her of course, and when I rush in to assess the damage, is laying leisurely across the tabletop, looking adorable, and trilling a little welcome to me – she has NO shame…!

    Thank goodness the other three (four if I include Thomas, the part time live-in-belong-to-humans’ cat) have some sense of decorum!

    J

    • Too funny! And yes I did check out your Moggies page (even though I didn’t know what Moggies meant 😉 They are adorable. That’s why we can’t stay mad at them. They do bad things but then they snuggle up to us and purr and we melt like butter 😀 Thanks for sharing!

    • ewwwww! You are such a boy. But that would be kind of funny. They have to renew it no matter what and I know the State of Ohio wants my money. One time I actually dropped my cell phone into the toilet in the bathroom at Old Navy (before I had flushed I might add… I know SO GROSS) and so then I felt compelled to rinse it off. Well, of course it was dead. So I drove immediately to the Verizon store and told them I dropped it into a sink full of dishes. I handed it to the guy asking if I would have to pay full price for a replacement—because this phone had been free. He took it in his hands and looked it over and said yes, you’ll have to replace it at the full retail price. I hated that I had to pay that much money but what took the sting out of it just a bit was knowing that he was standing there with my phone in his hand… that had been peed on only minutes earlier. 😀

  2. GAH! I had a dog once that had it in for the title on our new car. I can’t remember how many times I caught her trying to slide it from my purse. It was the weirdest thing. Arwen, are you residing in Stanley?

  3. Stanley and Pyewacket must be distantly related or have the same genetic marker for destruction. Last night, we ordered Chinese in. Neither one of us likes to take the risk of eating the stale fortune cookie, but curiosity always kills the cat (pardon the pun) when it comes to the fortunes inside, so I have to read them. I cracked both open, declared them stupid and meaningless, and put them back on the table. While we were engrossed in the latest DVR’d episode of “Justified,” Pye did her usual (like Stanley) where she takes her paw and just nudges things to the edge of the table … ever so subtly … the whole time watching with this curious look on her face. Then it finally falls to the floor and she (in true cat fashion) looks very ambivalent about the whole thing. Oh well, it’s just a fortune cookie. It’s not like the other day when she knocked a glass bottle off the table of essential oils a friend had personally mixed for me, breaking it, and making our house reek like mint and eucalyptus. (You might think this is a good thing … but it’s like the old Brylcreem commercial … a little dab will do ya.) The fact that she started eating the fortune cookie and recruited one of the other cats to do the same is another story.

    All of this just means that Pyewacket and Stanley are the smartest cats in the world … and the cutest too!!

    • Sorry about the glass bottle! YIKES! Does your house still smell like mint and eucalyptus? Yes, Pyewacket and Stanley do sound like the same cat. He will gently paw at something until it falls to the floor and then is totally nonchalant and uninterested like… “What bottle of oil / fortune cookie / cell phone / set of keys / slice of pizza??” (Yeah… the pizza happened once too). Thanks for telling your story 😀 Glad to know I’m in good company.

  4. HILARIOUS – the CAT did it!!! My cat growing up played with everything, but her cat toys. One time she got a hold of a super ball – instant comedy and we about peed ourselves watching her play antics. Have a Great Weekend:)

  5. Looks like your Writer’s Block is OVER! I also enjoyed your blog friends’ stories. Most entertaining! I grew up with cats inside and out. I just can’t remember any funny stories. Oh wait. There is one but it is far from funny. I remember male cats that we had spraying the furniture. That must be when they all became outside cats.

  6. My cat must be too fat and lazy to do anything so funny. She did jump off of the mantle once and hit the coffee table then fell to the floor. That scared me to death. The only thing she is really obsessed with is her little elastic hairbands. She will go anywhere to get one that she sees.

    • Me too Donald! And thank you so much for your encouragement! 🙂 Thanks for the reminder too that I need to be backing up my work! I really should get on that. I think about publishing a book of essays/short stories sometimes and this is definitely where I would start from.

  7. Shawdiane says:

    We have two beautiful fun loving Siamese, a brother & sister. They love to climb & sit on top of the sittingroom door ! Can’t resist boxes & are such fun on Christmas morning darting thru all the ripped off xmas wrapping papers. Both have to have the last word when told off (this is usually when they start darting thru the house like a stampede of eliphants just around midnight !! or wanting to play at 3 in the morning. They both sleep on a fluffy blanket on our kingsize bed, but still manage to take up most of the bed & our feet end up hanging over the sides. They love eating tomatoes & avocado washed down with red wine !! & growl at the postman 🙂 They follow me where ever I go around the house & sit by me one each side in the kitchen whilst I cook a meal ( & of course, enjoy the treats as I chop along ) Siamese cats are very communicative, demand a lot of attention & give bunddles of love. I have had four in total & couldn’t live without them.
    So to Shiraz & her brother Champagne, bottoms up to you both my darlings & to all the other adorable pussy cats & moggies out there. Life just wouldn’t be the same without a crazy pussy cat, or two. Stanley looks so fluffy & cuddley ! Give him a hug for me Joanne 🙂

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