Virtually Dumped

Due to the rise and surge of social media, our personal lives have changed so dramatically in the last five years that it is difficult to remember what life was like pre-Facebook, Twitter or in this instance, WordPress and the blogosphere. Ahh, the unique joys and sorrows of virtual friendships… So easy to make and even easier to break.

If you’re active at all in social media, you’ll know to what I referring when I mention getting dumped virtually. Although the one-sided, electronic break up is bound to happen from time to time—not unlike a real break up—it stings a bit when it does occur. You wake up one day without a care in the world, log on to your social media site of choice and voila! You realize you’ve one less “friend” or “follower” than you had the night before.

In the case of Facebook, I’ve learned to no longer care if and when this happens. I don’t tweet, so I can’t speak to the Twitterverse arena of the issue, but I DO blog and I think it is safe to say that in the world of blogging, losing a virtual follower can often leave a bit of virtual mark. It is especially ouchy if the ex-follower in question at one time featured you and your blog on their personal page.

Sad to say, I was dumped from a fellow writer’s blogroll a week ago. And being the neurotic, obsessive person that I am… I took to Google to see if there were any articles floating around in cyberspace devoted to the matter. There were not. Perhaps I, clearly the MOST neurotic, narcissistic, obsessive blogger IN THE WORLD, should be the one to write one, lest another pathetic dumpee similar to myself takes to Google in search of some e-comfort?

What I DID find, was a general article on “getting dumped” — you know, like in REAL LIFE. To be fair to the writer of that article and the inspiration for this post, here is the address: http://fearlessmen.com/getting-dumped/. After reading it, I realized that perhaps there are some similarities between the REAL and the VIRTUAL types of dumping. Thus, the following are the reasons given in the article for why a person may have been dumped in the real world, accompanied by a few “personal thoughts” pertaining to the cyber realm.

1. BoredomOK, so maybe my posts don’t scratch where you itch. I am who I am. Deal with it. Well, I guess you did. You dumped me. I’m sorry if I didn’t sufficiently entertain you.

2. Too Needy / Too ClingyUmmm… Perhaps my creation of this post is enough to illustrate this one? I hope you don’t mind that I wrote it. I really wish I knew how you felt about this one. Maybe I shouldn’t even post it? What do you think? I miss you.

3. Too JealousWhy do you always comment on THEIR stuff and not mine!? You NEVER comment on my stuff! You must think they are cooler/hipper/smarter/prettier/skinnier/wittier/more interesting than me! Why am I not good enough for you!?!?

4. Trying too hard too soon OR not trying hard enoughAre my comments and observations too lengthy or too short? Are there too many or too few? I soooo wish I knew so I could change and make this all better. Then again, sometimes I don’t really care what you think.

5. Lost Interest / Ran out of infatuation / Honeymoon is overPerhaps you’re tired of what you initially thought were extremely astute, brilliant and hilarious observations… and have now grown weary of repetitive entries about Spanx, wrinkles, alarm clocks, ill-fitting clothing, aggressive driving, rude people and a freakishly-abnormal fear of insects. Is that it? Was that the one that put you over the edge?

7. Chemistry / Different Directions / It isn’t what you or he/she thought it wasAlright, so maaaaybe I wasn’t what you expected me to be. But please don’t give me the “It’s not you, it’s me” bit because I know, baby, it was me. Otherwise I wouldn’t be the one sitting here in sweats and a dirty t-shirt with the remote and a wad of Kleenex in my lap, watching Beaches and putting my thighs in serious jeopardy with this quart of Ben and Jerry’s.

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31 thoughts on “Virtually Dumped

    • Hi Katie! So glad you could stop by! Welcome 🙂 I’m glad for you that you haven’t been dumped on your blog. It sucks. Usually if it happens to me it has been if I’ve had a bit of a dry spell or written an opinionated post that may have offended someone. But it has been rare. The getting shoved from the blogroll was a bit touchy for me. I’m trying to get over it like it ain’t no thing… 😉 We’ll see how that goes. Writing this was cathartic! haha

  1. Joanne Littlefield says:

    Got dumped via text message the other day. Sunday. Yes. Look back. On my birthday. Eight months into relationship. And yes, he did know it was my bday!

  2. This post cracked me up. I used to loyally follow this blog that was a collection of bloggers. I always commented all the posts, and I liked that they had some really diverse stuff going on. But he never commented back. Then one day in a post he recommended my blog and actually said “I’ve never really read this one but she’s a great follower” and suddenly the light bulb came on. I’m not a follower. I was sharing my thoughts, but he couldn’t even read one single post on my site, yep- bye-bye! I noticed that blog is now a bunch of fantasy stuff which is my thing anyway, so I’m glad I let it go, but for a while I did always wonder why my comments were never repaid with comments, etc, and now I know, we just weren’t a match! I’d put you on my blogroll, if I would ever get around to making one!! 🙂

    • I’m glad you liked it Tiffany! ANd thanks for sharing a great personal example. I like that… “we just weren’t a good match.” I think that happens a lot in the blogoshpere… just like I commented to Stephanie earlier. Blogs evolve too as you pointed out.

  3. Aw, I know it’s hard not to take personally, but it’s not really worth your time and energy to do it. I’ve followed certain people because what they were blogging about was something I was interested in at the time, but then I got tired of the topic and stopped following. I’ve also stopped following people because they write too often and I find them exhausting to keep up with.

    On the other side of it, when I get followers, I always check into their blogs and some of these people completely fascinate me and to why they chose me to follow because we have *nothing* in common. I more or less expect these people to drop off at some point. Also, I sometimes go long times without writing. Life gets busy and, frankly, if it starts feeling like a job I can’t be bothered. And I know some people don’t like that.

    I also think the tone of my blog has changed since the beginning. It started out a lot more introspective, and I’ve since lost patience with that kind of navel gazing. But maybe some people liked that, so I lost them in the transition.

    ANYWAY. My point is there are a thousand reasons people come and go. Such is life. You’ll get through it. 🙂

    • Very good points Stephanie. I think there are honestly times when someone probably starts following a blog based on one or two posts when those posts may not necessarily be an accurate representation of the majority of postings… Or the blog evolves as you suggested. Thanks for the thoughts though. I appreciate them. 🙂

  4. I don’t like all the tit for tat nonsense. I might read a blog everyday and only comment once in awhile or I might just read a blog once in awhile. I like the idea that if someone doesn’t comment every single time then the other person doesn’t get a comment. Aren’t we adults? I would probably feel the same as you do but now that I have been at this awhile there are a few that I wouldn’t mind, sshhh, dumping. Ouch it almost seems mean to say that. Some just aren’t my thing but I find it hard to dump. You aren’t one of them!!!!!!

    • Thanks Linda! I know, I have tried to fight the tit for tat mentality. For example… the person who dumped me from their blogroll is still on mine. I love their stuff… so I am not going to “get back at them” by dumping them in return. I have regularly commented on their posts and the comments are never returned. But I know that I can admire her without her having to admire me in return. Thanks for the reminder though!

  5. Ashley says:

    I don’t have enough followers to be really hurt if someone dumps me and I regularly cull my FB list (I have a “magic” number of 110 friends…if I had someone now, I have to drop someone else). I’m not bothered when I realize I’ve been dumped, it’s the way of the world these days.

    To a commenter, I was dumped on my birthday when I was in college and it was done by email and I never talked to or heard from him again. It puzzles me still, to this day, that people can be so callous. But then, I’m puzzled by many of humanity’s traits, so that puts it into some amount of perspective.

    Joanna, it probably does sting, to have been featured and then dropped without any explanation. I’m sorry, but also trust that there is a silver lining in this somewhere, maybe this is opening up space for an authentic, genuine friendship to blossom in that space?

  6. JT says:

    Hi Joanna, I get dumped all the time: I get Dumped on, Dumped over, Dumped in, and occasionally called the product of a Dump. But like so many say… “S__T or get off the pot! So I move on not necessarily happy about it but…. Once it’s flushed it’s gone 🙂 Blog love still flowing here 😉

    • awwww… That’s the trouble JT. The spcae is limited. You have to bump someone to add someone new. Honestly, I thought you were already on mine! When I saw that you weren’t, I wasn’t sure who to bump in order to make room. 😦

      • JT says:

        Aww, well that was nice of you to think of me … in hindsight that statement sounds like I was trying to get on yours, sorry about that, I wasn’t intending that. 🙂

  7. Oh wow. This is too funny. You made a pretty great correlation from the “getting dumped” article I wrote to feeling like a chump from severed blogging relationships. Thanks for the share–this was a good read! Bummer they didn’t give you a heads up as to why you no longer made the blogroll cut.

    Now I must ask-since I wrote the “getting dumped” article to men-did you agree with the content?

    • Hi there Todd! Thanks for stopping by, reading and commenting. I’m so glad you enjoyed the post and didn’t mind my shameless ripping off of your article. I felt the least I could do was give you the credit you deserve 😉 As for your article’s content… even though it has been a few years since I have been out there, I would say yes that you were right on. I felt that much of the content stretches across both genders and is applicable to everyone… male or female… dumper or dumpee. You were very thorough and if I were searching for something about why I got dumped in real life, I would have found your article extremely helpful and informative. Much more informative, in fact, than one written by a woman with speculative jargon about the complicated why’s and if’s when it is usually much simpler as you stated it. Glad you found this trackback and visited! Do come back sometime 🙂

      • Oh for sure, I’ll keep visiting! It looks like your post really resonated with people!

        I’m glad to hear you found the article informative. I got a ton of people’s feedback, and had a number of my own thoughts to articulate.

  8. What a great idea for a post–love it! I’m constantly being dumped on Facebook and Twitter. On Facebook it’s the worst when you actually go to creep on someone’s page, and that’s when you find out they’ve deleted you. I haven’t been blog dumped yet… That’ll be a tough one.

    • I know! That’s what happened here. I went to their blog site and noticed that Woman In Thrisis was no longer on the blogroll. Thankfully, it doesn’t happen often. I think the more followers a person gets over time, the more likely they are to drop off now and then.

  9. Ha, nicely said. I usually don’t pay attention to numbers so I won’t notice when twitter followers are lower or feedburner subscribers are lower or whatever… but I do notice when someone who used to comment a lot on my site has stopped. It’s funny how we get used to people visiting or interacting, even though we don’t really know them, and then they stop…. lol, good breakup observations. 🙂

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