I killed a mouse in my house last night… with a hammer. It was a little disturbing at first, bits and pieces of it flying all over my kitchen and raining down upon me like shrapnel after an explosion as I lifted the hammer high in the air in order to strike again and again. But I’m not gonna lie, it was also a little invigorating.
Why the hammer you ask? Isn’t that a little overkill for something so small? Well, I just wanted to make sure it was dead. I couldn’t stand the thought of it lying on the top of my garbage can, half alive and suffering. Such uncertainty could keep a person up at night you know.
Now, before you go passing judgment or reporting me or my blog to PETA… I’ll tell you that it wasn’t cute, furry and capable of speaking Russian like Fievel the Disney mouse. It was a Logitech mouse. And I had reached the end of my virtual rope.
I should have been mad at the bank who YET AGAIN changed their security measures and thus made ME change MINE. Why does the bank feel it necessary to change things every 5 minutes anyway?
Or I could have been angry with my computer because it’s getting up there in years and painfully slow. It doesn’t exactly snap to attention quite as quickly as I would prefer.
So I lost it. And I took out my rage on an innocent, little grey mouse who didn’t deserve what it got. I didn’t bash it to smithereens right away. I actually just set it down on my desk a bit too hard… and when I tried to revive it… nothing happened. It just sat there… lifeless… the red light on it’s optic sensor forever darkened.
And THEN, I was no longer angry with the bank or my PC’s sluggish processor… I was angry at myself. Livid to be more exact. Mad because I had let my stupid temper get the better of me and now I was crippled and mouse-less. So I placed the dying mouse on the rug, took out my hammer and finished it off by smashing it into a million, tiny pieces.
Not yet done with my computer work, I snuck next door and borrowed a mouse from my mother. I rushed into my parents’ house, stealthily snagged THEIR mouse and declared: “I’m borrowing this! My mouse is broken! Will return it in the morning!” I then rushed right back out the door like I was fleeing the scene of a crime. Also, before they had the chance to ask any questions.
Like I said… it did feel good. Who doesn’t fantasize now and then about violently destroying a piece of the very computer equipment by which we often feel enslaved?
Happy computing, y’all!
7 thoughts on “Of Mice and Hammers”
Yikes … I will be sure to never make you angry!
Every word of this is true…you can’t make this stuff up. And it is true, don’t get us Shields girls angry. We take a lot but there is a point of self expression that takes over eventually. Another fun read, Joanna.
Do not piss you off:) Lock up the hammers people! Too funny and a great post this morning. I know someone who constantly bangs their mouse throughout the day and it is starting to get on my nerves – like that is going to make it work any better – maybe this person needs a hammer too!!!
Oh my gosh you had me worried for a minute. My husband once threw his beloved special high tech expensive remote control down so hard (on purpose) that it smashed to bits. There have been many times I wanted to shoot the computer. You just know it would feel really good and relieve a lot of stress.
I chucked a printer down a flight of outdoor stairs once. It was SO satisfying. I’ve also smashed a space heater on my garage floor and thrown a full pan of food onto the kitchen floor. What can I say? I have a slight rage problem.
After outbursts like the aforementioned, my husband used to try to calmly soothe and console me. Nowadays, having seen much too much, he simply yells, “For chrisstake, grow UP,” and then cleans up the mess. Oddly enough, his insults calm my rage much better than his sympathy ever did.
As I said before… rage problem, right here. You are welcome to come trash some of my misbehaving gadgets anytime!
Wow, I thought it was just us boys that found this sense of glee in the act of destruction! Seems you girls have been holding out on us. The girls always chided us into thinking we were so immature and really needed to grow up! If I had only known I would have offered to let you use my hammer some times! 😀
I’m so excited to be among such good company of fellow tantrum (or fantasy tantrum) throwers! Thanks everyone for letting me know I am not TOTALLY psycho! 😉 heehee